mydarlingdevils

Is it 5:01 yet? (The 12 year old version)

So, we are into week 4 of Staying at Home:

I hear many parents complaining about home schooling, but for us it’s been pretty smooth. We’ve had a lot of success using a combination of the responsibility chart and a pretty solid schedule. The boys did it themselves. The schedule, not the responsibility chart. If I left the responsibility chart up to them – it would probably just have one line on it – Watch Youtube. I’m actually not even kidding.

They are 12 so pretty self-sufficient. In fact, I would be kidding myself if I didn’t admit that they are pretty much smarter than me now. So, even if they did ask for help on their homework, I’d probably say something like “how the fuck would I know?” and then tell them to leave me alone. Wait. Come to think of it, that did happen. J asked me for help on some pre-calculus concept and I told him to leave me alone and reminded him that that’s what google was for. I did it without swearing. Yey to me.

The mornings these days are usually pretty standard. I’m usually up at least 2-3 hours before anyone else.
My wife usually wakes up next. Comes down to the basement and says good morning. Makes a comment on my drinking. I tell her not to worry about it. She grumbles something and walks away.
Then J wakes up. Comes to basement to say goodmorning. J tries to convince me that they should be allowed electronics before 5pm. I say No. He grumbles something and walks away.
Then K wakes up. Comes to basement to say goodmorning. He asks me if he can ask me a question. I tell him sure as long as it’s not about electronics. He grumbles something and walks away.

They usually eat breakfast on their own, which is nice. Then after breakfast they alternate between Homework/Online school and ping pong till 1:30. They usually eat lunch on their own, which is also nice.
Sometimes we’ll make something for them. They are smart, but not really. For instance – every single time I am making them their favorite type of eggs, one of them will come up and ask if I’m making it for them. I’ll say that it’s just for me and they should find something else to eat. It’s like that scene in Friday where the mother makes a giant breakfast for herself and she tells Ice Cube to have cereal. Remember that? Well, I do that just to watch their faces drop. It’s really so so much fun. It works every single time. So, that’s why they are smart, but not really.

Anyway, at 2:30 they go for a bike ride. After the bike ride, they have a snack. It’s usually goldfish and fruit snacks. They would subsist on goldfish and fruit snacks if they were allowed. Actually, I can’t blame them, so would I.

This is around the time everyone starts to feel the 5:01 itch.
What’s the 5:01 itch? Well, for adults, around now is when we all literally watch the clock waiting for 5:01 so we can pour ourselves a drink. It’s like the fucking clock moves in slow motion. Taunting us.
Sometimes I find myself cursing at my phone because the last time I checked the time it was 4:02 and now it’s only 4:03. I’ll say something like “one fucking minute, that’s all? – you stupid fucking phone”

Ok, well, anyway. So, for J and K the 5:01 itch is electronics.
For them, they are literally watching the clock for when they are allowed to get on their Ipad or Phone. You can see it happening too. They start getting all antsy and then by 4:40, they are literally ready to go into spasms. This is the time of day where nothing is allowed to go wrong. The slightest provocation to anyone will lead to a full on war. Like between J and K – I’m not talking about a spat. I’m talking about a full on fist on fist, blow on blow war. Everyone in the house is on edge. Everyone is waiting…willing for someone else to fuck up so that it’s not them.

When the clock hits 5:01 you see a giant flurry of motion. I’m running to the kitchen to fix drinks and they are running to the TV room to get onto Youtube. We all charge right past each other with a solid look of “get the fuck out of my way” plastered on all our faces.

Then all of a sudden – it’s 5:20 … we have our drink half finished and the boys are well into their electronics. Everyone smiles at each other. We’ve survived another day.