mydarlingdevils

Twin techniques for dummies

The good news is that they usually take turns to throw tantrums. The bad news is they usually take turns to throw tantrums. One of them is always whining or yelling or screaming or doing something that just plain annoys the shit out of us. I will say though that a benefit of twin boys is that if one of them pisses you off, then you can just hang out with the other one. The other day, the boys had woken up and were in the living room with my wife. So, I come out of the office and say, good morning to J. He returns the favor very sweetly with a big smile. I say good morning to K and he says “no, I only want mommy”. I’m like, fine by me you little pipsqueak – “J, let’s do coloring”. The funny part is that I get this look from my wife, like I’M the one that’s being an asshole!

Speaking of assholes – they feel the need to negotiate every tiny little detail of life. If I ask them to put on their clothes, they say “no daddy do it”. If I try to put on their clothes, they say “no, I’ll do it”. I asked J “do you want mommy or daddy to put on your clothes or do you want to do it yourself” he said “I want K to do it”. That’s about the time I’m ready to lose it but child rearing books say you shouldn’t tell them what to do, you should give them key words so they remind themselves. I hate those books!!!! They are written by people who don’t live in the real world. Fucking saints or whatever. So, instead of saying “J you little shit, wear your fucking pajamas before I beat you”, we have to say indirectly “J baby – it’s almost time to go to sleep so don’t you think you need to start getting ready?” I’d rather hold them upside down with one leg until they start crying…but people get mad at me when I do that. Well, they either get mad, or they stare horrified…mortified…or some similar concoction of emotion.